About Lying
What Is Lying?
Lying is to say something that we know is false, pretending as if it were true, to gain control over a situation by manipulating the truth. We do it on purpose, deliberately, to deceive and manipulate with the goal of getting something which, if we do not lie, we will not get.
Why Do We Lie?
We lie for many reasons, but the most common reasons are to get something and to protect ourselves. Obviously, the major reasons for lying will vary greatly for each person and for specific situations. Other major reasons for lying include:
> Avoid Punishment or Responsibility
> Convince Someone to Do Something or to Avoid Hurting Their Feelings
> Hide Something or Prevent Conflict
> For Fun or to Prank
> Get Out Of Danger
> Impress Others or Gain Influence
> Save Face Or Avoid Embarrassment
> Gain Acceptance, Sympathy, Trust or Respect
> Get Something to Happen
> Not Feel Bad or Guilty
For No Reason
Sometimes we lie out of anger, resentment and pride. Sometimes we get carried away in the heat of the moment and say a lie, for no particular reason. And sometimes we lie for no reason!
So let’s start with some definitions.
Lie
A Lie is saying something that we know is false, as if it were true. It is a deliberate act with the intention of deceiving and manipulating the listener. It has one goal: to achieve something that, without a lie, probably would not be achieved.
Untruth
An Untruth is an indeliberate false statement, something you believe to be true but is actually false or wrong. It is not a lie because it is not deliberate.
Cheating
Cheating is winning through dishonesty. A deliberate act which goes against the rules to achieve an objective. It is not the same as Lying.
Mistake
A Mistake is an unintentional error, saying or doing something which we think is true or right, but is actually wrong or false. Again, It is not the same as Lying.
Deception
Deception is to cause someone to believe something that is not true. It is part of Lying.
Manipulation
Manipulation is to influence a person’s feelings, in a deliberate and unfair manner, to achieve a purpose.
Fact
A Fact is something that has been proven correct and which cannot be disputed, something that actually exists or is known to have existed or to have happened, and is known by actual experience or observation. It is undisputable, not believed. It is the opposite of a Lie.
Truth
Truth is something accepted as correct but has not been proven. It may include fact but it is based on belief. Fact is undisputable while Truth is acceptance or belief. Fact can be a part of Truth, but Truth cannot be part of Fact.
Do We All Lie?
The vast majority of people lie. It is believed there is a very small number of people that never lie - estimated at around one quarter of one percent 1% of the population. In other words, of the 8 Billion people on this planet, between 20 to 40 million do not lie. While that is a big number, it is small in relation to the total.
Most Communication Is Honest
Studies indicate that most communications have few lies, if any. The average person says 4 to 10 lies a day (about 75% of the population). Less than 2% of people are heavy liars – in average they lie about 20 times a day. And a similar amount, also less than 2% of people are light liars – in average they lie about 2 times a day.
Different Types Of Liars
There are three main types of liars:
> Average Liars: just a few lies a day
> Habitual Liars: many lies a day
> Compulsive Liars: no control over lying
Most Lies Are Inconsequential
Over 80% of lies are small, harmless lies – what is called white lies. As a result, over the years lying has gained acceptance in society: today over 60% of Americans believe that lying is generally an acceptable or justified behavior.
Can You Stop Lying?
Yes, you can stop lying – but the real question is: why would you? It is easier to change how you feel about lying or being lied to. Once you have gained control over a situation by lying, you feel better or safer. So why would you want to stop doing it?
Is Lying Bad?
From a purely rational point of view it cannot be said that lying is, in and by itself, bad. However, the results or effects of lying can be bad. Obviously, MasterLiars (like me) do not believe that lying is bad or wrong, but others might not agree. This is a moral question that has to be decided by each person individually, based on many factors including values and beliefs. Of course, in some cases this question can become a legal or ethical issue with clear definitions. However, not considering the legal or ethical ramifications, the answer to this question is difficult, generally inconclusive and very subjective.
Is Lying a Natural Behavior?
Lying is not an innate behavior: we learn to lie. Actually, we learn the advantages of lying. Most people start lying early in life, between the ages of 2 to 4 years old, as a defense mechanism – mostly “innocent” lies. The majority of us learn to say “malicious” or “planned” lies – what most consider “bad” lies – between the ages of 4 to 6 years old, when kids start to understand the difference between “what is best to say” versus “what is best not to say”. In other words, the difference between saying something that will get you in trouble versus something that will get you out of trouble. Or keep you out of it.
Do Liars Feel Guilty?
This is hard to answer: it is generally accepted that most liars do not feel bad, or guilty, of lying. This is because most liars do not believe they are doing anything that is wrong or bad. In the movies, the bad guy never believes he is bad; usually he feels forced or justified, the victim of conditions or circumstances out of his or her control. Except under unusual circumstances, the person lying sees nothing wrong in saying a lie or believes he or she was forced to lie. Because of this, liars usually do not feel remorse about lying.
Who Lies More: Men Or Women?
This one is easy to answer: most believe that men lie more than women. However, it has been proven this is not true: many studies have found that men and women generally lie in the same proportion; in other words, they tend to lie about the same. Of course, this will vary with personal circumstances. But in general terms, all sexes tend to lie in the same proportion.
Are Men Better Liars Than Women?
Again, this one is easy to answer: no. Studies have found that men and women generally command the same kind of expertise; in other words, they both tend to say lies of the same quality. And this should come as no surprise: both sexes tend to be poor liars.
How About Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender & Queer?
Studies have found that LGBTQ generally lie in the same proportion as straight people; in other words, they tend to lie about the same. Studies have also found that LGBTQ generally command the same kind of expertise as straights; in other words, they tend to say lies of the same quality. So no surprise: LGBTQ, like straights, tend to be poor liars.
Can You Tell If Someone Is Lying?
It is normally very hard to tell if someone is lying, especially if you are saying a “good” lie (one that follows the rules of lying) – when you say a “bad” lie, it is quite easy to detect that you are lying. That is also the case when you unconsciously display microexpressions or use telltale phrases that are considered indicators of lying – people will observe these microexpressions or the use of telltale phrases to detect that you are lying. But becoming a MasterLiar, and following the rules of Master the Art of Lying, will help you avoid these mistakes.
